8 Misunderstandings of Manhood

There are a number of misunderstandings about Manhood. Different people have different preconceptions on what qualifies a guy as a man. I’m going to address a few of those briefly.

  1. A man is a certain age. This couldn’t be more false. The reality is a guy could die of old age and go to his grave as a boy. The way a guy handles different situations in his life defines his manhood. Does he take on his responsibilities or run from them? Is he willing to make the sacrifices necessary to defend and provide for his family? These characteristics point more to manhood than age does. Just because you’re 18 or 21 or older and can grow some facial hair doesn’t mean you’re a man. If you would rather run from your problems and live in a fantasy world, then you’re just a grown boy with a mustache.
  2. A man has to love the outdoors. I have heard and read before that a guy isn’t really a man unless he has shot a deer or caught a fish and on and on. This is nonsense. I have never killed a deer, but just because some other guy has, that doesn’t make him any manlier than me. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against hunting. I’ve killed birds, squirrels, snakes, and other animals and I love the outdoors, but not one time did that action turn me into a man. One doesn’t automatically become a man when he shoots a deer or any other kind of animal. Jesus, the measurement of manhood, never went deer hunting. So if killing a deer or other wild game qualifies manhood in your book, than Jesus isn’t a man. It’s time to rethink this one.
  3. A man knows how to work on a car. For some reason some people think that working on a car makes a guy a man. How does fixing an engine turn a boy into a man? I think it’s awesome if you can and I’m very jealous of you, because I sure don’t have a clue. I can change a tire, so I have that going for me, but replace a transmission? No chance. I’m sure with the right instructions and tools, I could learn to do it, but I work hard at my job and budget my money in such a way that if the transmission in my car goes out, I can take it to someone that knows how to fix it and I will pay them to do so. Even though I can’t fix it, I can still get the problem solved.
  4. A man is good with his hands. Another area that I’m not sure I live up to all the time. I’ve done some wood work in my time. I’ve help construct a building, a very small building, but a building none the less. I know my way around a hammer, a screwdriver, a drill, and better yet, a nail gun (cue Tim “The tool man” Taylor’s grunt.) But none of that experience made me a man. Have I learned from it? Sure, but it still doesn’t make me a man or anyone else in that case.
  5. A man is athletic. There are those that look at athletes and say they represent true manhood. That’s crazy talk. Being able to hit a baseball, as hard as it may be, doesn’t make you a man. Throwing a football and shooting a basketball does not have some special power that transforms a boy into a man. This should be very obvious to us, considering recent news. For example, look at Ray Rice. He was one of the better running backs in the NFL, but a real man NEVER hits a woman. Playing and/or watching sports does not make a guy a man. Just because you have some God-given talent for athletics, doesn’t automatically make you a man. It’s how you use them and how you allow yourself to be identified that makes you a man.
  6. A man has to dress a certain way. I hear things like “real men wear boots” or “a real man will never wear skinny jeans.” Now I don’t understand why anyone would want to wear skinny jeans. I don’t wear them or any other kind of designer jeans. I buy Wranglers from Wal-Mart. They are durable, comfortable, and I like them. That is about as much thought that goes into my shopping. But just because some other guy cares about his outfit, it doesn’t make him any less of a man than me. As long as he isn’t running around in women clothing, I don’t think there is a problem here.
  7. A man can’t cry. “There is no crying in baseball!” or manhood. Right? Wrong. Some believe that a man can’t be sensitive. It’s actually the opposite. A real man is in touch with his sensitive side. He is not controlled by it, but is aware of it and not afraid of it. He is able to sympathize with those that are hurting. A real man isn’t cold hearted. Think about Christ when he received the news that his friend Lazarus had died. He cried, even though He was going to raise Him from the dead soon after. One of the shortest Bible verses reads “Jesus wept.” John 11:35, coming from that story. I’m not saying that you have to cry to be considered a man, but because you show emotions and have a sensitive side doesn’t mean you’re not a man.
  8. A man has had sex. This is a popular one in movies. In the “coming of age” films, we hear lines like “tonight, I become a man.” as some boy tries to sleep with his girlfriend. Sex doesn’t make a boy a man. Now there is this sick mentality that having multiple partners makes you more of a man than others. A real man loves one woman and is faithful to her for his whole life. By the way, Jesus died a virgin and He is the creator of manhood. At 27, I’m still a virgin and as strange as that may sound to many around me today, it doesn’t make me any less of a man than any other. I’m saving myself for my wife, because even though I haven’t meet her yet, I love her and I know she is well worth the wait.

I share these with you, because there is a manhood crisis in our society. In trying to correct it, we have made the problem worse. People have created in their mind what a real man should look like and in doing so they have taken hobbies and sex and turned them into qualifications for manhood. How do we fix it? Only the Gospel can. Jesus is the measurement of manhood. He created and designed it. To be a man is to look and live like Christ. Our identity isn’t in the things of this world, but in Christ. A man understands how to love, how to handle their responsibilities, how to make sacrifices, how to live a life of meekness, how to humble himself, and how to take a stand and protect what is right and those that he loves.

Ladies, stop using these standards and others like them to figure out if you’re with a real man. Too many women do that and they just end up with a grown boy who can shot a gun or fix a car or wears a certain pair of jeans. Then they marry him and he bails out on his responsibilities as a husband and a father and they realize quickly that they were fooled. Here is a quick way to figure out if you’re with a real man; does his life look like Christ’s? Not saying that he is perfect, but the Word of God should be the guiding light of his life. That’s the kind of man worth having, ladies.

Guys, stop with the games. It’s time for us to grow up and Man up! When you make a decision, be prepared to live with the consequences. Stop running from your problems and man up and handle your business. Stop looking for the woman in your life to “take care” of you. Grow up! But here is the good news; Christ will change the boyish heart you have and turn you into the man he created you to be. I’m in that process now. Stop living for the things of this world, because they will never fill you or give you purpose, only Christ can. True manhood is found in the Gospel. It’s found only in Christ. MAN UP!

Response to so called “Christian” Arguments for Same-Sex Marriage

Here are a few arguments that I’ve come across in favor of same-sex marriage in the Church. Now, when I say “The Church” I mean the universal church, not necessarily the one that I serve. There are many who claim to be a christian that I have found supporting same-sex marriage, because of arguments as such below. I’ve listed a few of them and my response to such claims. I’m sharing this not to attack anyone or for this to be used in such a manner. I am sharing and clarifying what I believe and why I believe it. I hope this will be a help to those that read it.

1. Jesus doesn’t say anything against homosexuality.  This is a very weak argument that is used consistently by people and even churches to justify their stance on same-sex relations. Here’s the thing though, there are other sins in the Bible that Jesus doesn’t speak of. The Gospels don’t cover every single thing that Jesus did and said. Also, we don’t have Jesus speaking out against Bestiality, but does that make it ok? No. He doesn’t speak out against incest, but does that make it ok? No. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to compare and even say that homosexuality and bestiality are the same thing at all or even are on the same level, because they are not. My point is, if you only went off of what Jesus doesn’t mention, then you leave out a great deal of what the Scriptures say. When you have to go to an argument of silence to prove your point, then that tells me that you really don’t have much ground to stand.

2. Same-sex relations are found in nature, so it must be God intended. I hear this one often. I really find this point made in a roundabout way in movies and tv shows. Some bring up that dolphins, penguins and other animals enter into same-sex relationships and sometimes for the rest of their lives, so therefore it must be natural and ok for us to do it too. My response, not everything in nature should be considered natural for humans. Praying mantis females eat their mates after intercourse, this is found in nature, but should it be natural for us too? NO. Hippos will sometimes kill their male child, because of fear that it might one day rule the herd and have power of them. Should this be considered natural for us too? NO, of course not. Just because something is found in nature it does not mean that it should be natural for us too.

3. People are born gay and God wouldn’t allow that if it was really a sin.  First, there has never been any scientific proof that people are born gay. At least not to my knowledge and research. But what if there is a discovery that people are born with a homosexual desire? Would that make it ok then? The answer is no. Here is why, I am a male. I have a strong desire for women. Every heterosexual male, if he is honest, would admit that he would like to sleep with every beautiful woman that he sees. The desires are strong and one may say that we are born that way, so does that justify us going out and doing just that? NO. That is still sin even though we have that desire that we are born with. It’s part of our fallen nature. As men we need God’s grace and mercy daily to stay faithful to the spouse that we are married to or the woman that we have yet to marry. Just because you have an urge doesn’t mean you have to act on it. We don’t act on every urge we have, because deep down we know that there is a higher moral standard that we must keep. Then one last point on this topic, this confuses me from the LGBTQ community. They say that you are born gay, but you can choose your gender. So, for them, sexual desire is part of your DNA, but gender itself is a choice that one can make. Not trying to sound mean here, but I pure out don’t understand that. Seems the other way around to me. Gender is what you are born to and you can choose your sexual preference. That seems more logical to me.

4. The Bible isn’t clear about Homosexuality or marriage. This too is a flawed argument. The Bible is actually clear about homosexuality being a sin (1 Cor 6:9-11 ) And when scriptures talk about marriage, it’s  between a man and a woman (Eph 5.) I know there are some that try to say that Paul is being misinterpreted and that we have gotten the original language wrong. I find that foolish. The church has interpreted homosexuality as a sin for thousands of years. Those closest to the original writings do not differ with us today. Those who make these arrangements pull scripture out of context or try to revise it. Now there are parts in the Old Testament that speak about marriage in different terms than a union of man and woman. These are historical accounts and are not meant to be used in a prescriptive manner. Fallen man would try to come up with rule and regulations about these unions, but they are still flawed and in opposition to God’s establishment of marriage that is evident throughout the Bible.

I want to end with this, I do NOT hate gay people. If you are gay and you would like to attend my church, you are more than welcomed. You will be loved and treated no different than anyone else. Whatever church that I am Pastor of will be a church that will never back down on truth and the Word of God, but we will also never stop loving people either. Contrary to what many believe today, I know that I can disagree with someone and not hate them.  I also know that not all will agree with me and that’s ok. I have a Biblical worldview and certain convictions, because of my faith in Jesus Christ. I know that the rest of the world will not see things and understand them the same way I do. I’m secure and confident enough in my beliefs and convictions that when people tell me that they think that I’m wrong, it doesn’t crush my world. I hope and pray that this is God honoring and a help to others. God Bless.